In response to some of you... I have attended one Nar-Anon meeting but it was in a "not so good area of town" and I did not feel comfortable there AT. ALL. There were only two women in the "meeting" however I did open up some about my situation and I did listen and learn in just that one visit that I am not alone. I DO plan to attend a meeting tomorrow night in a town that is closer to home and hopefully it will feel more comfy.
My husband *says* he is attending AA/NA meetings but thanks to today's technology, I can see that when he says he's there, he really isn't. He's sitting in a parking lot somewhere playing games on his cell phone. I know that he *has* been to at least ONE meeting because he came home with a bunch of pamphlets and a coin. I don't really understand why he chooses to lie and say he's going to meetings when he really isn't. I'm sure he's just lying to himself by doing that as well... whatever he needs to do to get my off his back.
I HAVE READ THE STICKIES TODAY! and I have learned a lot. I printed a bunch of the material out to keep here on hand as a tool for me to grab when I'm feeling vulnerable and feeling the need to take control. I am very self aware of my problems in regards to this and how I seem to be aiding in his cycle of destruction. I'm hopeful that with the reading materials, this forum and the meeting I attend tomorrow night I can start to grasp what needs to be done in my life. I desperately want to save our marriage... but I have always told him that our journey back to *us* begins with him.
Thanks to everyone so far for your kind responses.