SNelson, I am glad you are here, but sorry for what brought you here.
Respectfully, I know that you love him dearly (most of us DO love our addicts... as they were before addiction) but I have a few questions for you to think about. You don't have to answer them to me, here, or even out loud, just to yourself...
What are you getting out of this relationship; are your emotional needs being met (apart from the loving to "fix" things... :-) ) and can you continue this way and for how long if nothing changes.
Has he DONE anything to show you he is ready for recovery? Forget the words, look at his ACTIONS.
What do you think will improve if you continue doing all that you have been doing for him that he is capable of doing for himself in regards to HIS recovery.
Knowing and having seen firsthand that this is a progressive disease, do you envision continuing to care for him in increasing capacity over the remainder of your life together?
And then remember that:
You didn't cause it...
You can't control it...
You can't cure it ~ no matter what you do to try and fix it, YOU can't...only HE can.
I too would recommend the stickies on this board and also checking out a Nar-Anon meeting... It will be eye-opening.
Sometimes we have to make changes to how we react to the madness...
It's hard and takes time and work, but you can find peace!
With mucho support!
Kat