Many of us are "do-ers".....unfortunately......just like addiction, being a "do-er" can take on an extreme that is unhealthy......an addiction of sorts.
As a "do-er" myself, I often expect others to be "do-ers" too.....and when they aren't, it causes considerable discomfort for me because I then feel that I have to "fill in the gap" by "doing" my part and theirs too. What does that do? It breeds contempt and/or resentment. What an awful existence that can be......for both parties.
I had to unlearn my "do-er" behaviors. I needed to learn to do for me and be happy with that and only do for others if there were no strings attached (on my part) to my "doing". And no expectation for them to "do" back for me. I found that that's a bit difficult to do in the partnership of marriage. It felt more parental (to a small child) than a marriage.
I had a choice.....I could either change my situation......or change my attitude toward my situation. I chose to change my situation.
One thing I have discovered in my life is that I seldom have problems.......I usually just have solutions I don't like very much.
gentle hugs
ke