Mizzuno

In one week, I will be off from school for a vacation. I have been in school for 9 months strait. No breaks, no weeks off. I am thankful to have made it this far. I am not sure how much longer I can keep up with this pace, but I am determined to get through.

On Saturday, I had to make a decision to either do school work or clean house and get my hair cut. It had been so long since I went and had a hair cut that I thought taking care of myself (finally) was a priority. This hair cut/ cleaning house set me back a day in school, so I had to scramble making sure all my homework was done. The balancing act is not so balanced.

I have another MRI this Thursday. I am not looking forward to it, but this will get me closer to the answers. I am being referred to a surgeon for my back. Some days i feel like i can endure this pain, other days I am of the opinion that I would rather jump off a bridge (preferably a very short one) to end this madness. The pain meds help and then they don't. I battle with being on these pills and feeling good about myself. Sometimes I feel like I may not be upholding my end of the bargain with sobriety, given that I am on pain management. I know that my sobriety is not in question, and I am not using these meds for anything but to be able to function. At times the meds hit the pain perfectly and I am walking around like normal. The trouble has been now that it is really cold outside, my back is in increasing pain. I have to balance the meds and know that I will never be out of pain 100% However, getting off these drugs would be a blessing. Nerve pain is horrible, DDD is painful, and disc herniation on top of it has caused this happy girl to be seriously unhappy. How I wish to run again!!! To wear my running shoes and jog a good 5 miles. One day!

Anyways, it is almost the holidays and this is the time of year where people think that drinking in excess is acceptable. I will not be partaking of that madness. I plan to drink sparkling apple cider and to feel good. I have made it this far. I can make it farther.

Lily and Max (my cats) have taken to eating the ribbon off of all the presents. We have put the presents away. I hope I do not have to have a funeral for one of my fur children anytime soon.

Have a good day everyone! Keep on walking forward with resolve! We are doing this.