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Old 12-15-2013, 02:28 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Stucco
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 98
The vows of marriage lead many to put their spouse's needs above their own. As we age, we may find we have to care for a spouse with dementia. This is taxing for the caregiver and can be detrimental to the caregiver's health. Caregiver's have to be aware of the risk and manage their own health and needs, including finding respite from caregiving. Even though caregiving may be toxic, most of us will not walk away from it completely. We will find ways to mitigate the damage to ourselves.

Addiction places some of the same burdens on family members. Unlike dementia, there is shame and blame in the mix. So family members are less likely to seek out support and respite. It is difficult to determine when support turns into enabling - when help begins to hurt the addict.

Most of us enjoy helping others. Our endorphins flow when we please someone else. This is part of being a social animal. For those of us supporting addicts or the elderly or small children, we have to be aware that help can be perceived as a putdown - that we believe they are not capable of doing it themselves. We have to recognize that struggling to complete a task is good for the helpee. There can be a fine line between not enough and too much. Finding that line may be the lesson caregivers most need to learn.
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