Good Morning Jend and SR, I've been away taking the older AD to a check up for that horrific accident she had in November, I also brought the younger RAD along, mistake. The appointment went well, she is healing, she should of died it was so bad. We saw the X-rays, I cried.
Then we went to the mall to return a computer case (that I had paid for $73 bucks) by the time I parked the car, she had returned the item and bought something else. Then the begging started. I just walked back to the car...I couldn't believe what these girls have done. It's been 5 months since I found out heroin was their mom, not me. They owe thousands and thousands of dollars, debt collectors calling, court dates to be at. They don't work, they don't do anything, but sleep, beg and complain. My heart doesn't see them as adults (19 & 22) but as my children, my babies that a mothers love can't break, my mind says to kick them to the curb. The 19 yr old RAD used my credit card to get gas in the car then proceeded to buy herself an expensive pair of shoes. The older one found out and feels entitled to a pair for herself. What's even is even mom, I said but I pay $105 a week for your Methadone? What about that? Then the complaining about the messy house, well it's their mess, I'm not a house keeper. They don't work, sleep til 1pm everyday. My 14yr old is neglected and left alone so much. It's his birthday in 3 days, I haven't even bought a card. Addiction also busted up my marriage, he comes around every two weeks, drinks his wine, complains and leaves again. I'm gonna crack soon, I feel so old and tired, my mind drifts off to a beach, I'm happy, warm and loved, then I hear yelling that there's no food they "like" in the fridge. I feel so old and alone.
I'm telling you this Jend, because you need to set up boundaries, rules for your daughter when she comes home, and stick to them. I thought I had this mess under control, but it unraveled very fast, without me even aware of it happening. A friendly warning, I have failed, but you Jend still have time. You're a strong mom, I used to be, don't let what has happened to me, happen to you. It's not all doom and gloom. Some days we smile and talk, but I don't want to talk about drugs anymore, I want to hear about their future or maybe a small, tiny "I'm sorry mom". It will never happen though. And yes I go to meetings (love them) and see a therapist. It helps to talk to a normal person and as always SR is here. Maybe I'm having another bad day, getting real sick of these "bad days".
Take care of yourself, be number one, don't allow some smart a$$ addict ripe your heart out.
Well, I better try to figure out this Xmas tree. Can't believe the holidays are almost here. Let us know what's up in your situation, we care, stay strong. TF