Hi, Jeni.
Thank you for your post and pm)
I am meditating but somehow fail to live in the moment. The truth is that my present is a mess and I can't fake it any more, I can't pretend any more that it is not a mess. I've been living long enough being afraid that tomorrow I will have no place to live in. I've been living long enough pretending my life is ok, and I can't do it any more.
I am suffering from panic again, and severely depressed. I can't put myself together and hate all this.
And I hate whining and whimpering and self-piting.
And...
And I overate again today - like my old habits are gradually coming back dragging me to the abyss from where I've climbed up.
And I don't know what to do. I don't see light at the end, and the tunnel is getting narrower, and I am suffocating.
And this damn winter again, it's freezing and I seem to get a cold again.
Hate all this. Hate the life. Hate people telling me what's wrong with me.
I just want to run... far away..