Hi, pals)
My anxiety is just killing me and the damn AV has smell opportunity here, and I can feel the danger of slipping into my old habits again.
I applied for the loan to buy the flat I liked, and I am freaking out both about it being approved and not being approved. Yeah, it doesn't make sense, I know. But if it is approved I be in big debt at least for the next 5 years. And if it is not, I will live in the place I won't like...
It is so hard to focus on the present moment. I am constantly freaking out...I've lost confidence in myself. I am not writing, even here, and I feel like a worthless looser...Because people in "real" life - they judge me only by what I have. And what do I have in terms of what enjoys high value in the "society market"? Not much...
And when they ask me questions like "Are married? How much do you earn? I feel like I am standing naked in front all the people. At some point I believe I've developed thicker skin, but it turns out my skin is still thin, and some cruel word still can ruin my day.
And I've lost faith in myself again...and I feel lost.. I've been crying half of the day today because I can't see what is next?
I am constantly whining and ranting now. And I don't like it but I feel low most of time. And I am constantly beating myself up again.
So damn tired...