why is making a list of the horrors you experience at the hand of the A bitter or negative if they try to mess with your mind by being nice after the destruction so you won't leave? i think (my opinion and that of a former therapist) that making a list to remember the nightmares is healthier than repressing them, diminishing them when struggling to embrace reality.
a HUGE problem in my former relationship was that i was lied to so much and his behavior shifted so dramatically that i had a hard time figuring out what reality was. who was the real him? he is nice today, but he was horrible yesterday. WTH??? there is a lot of denial in relationships with alcoholics from both the A and the codependent that an objective list reminds us of actually what was said and done. helps with clarity.