I went to Alanon for a little over a year...but it is not what led me in my recovery - therapy is what led my recovery. Alanon for me was just a supplement to therapy. Without therapy I would not be where I am today. I went to therapy to learn how to feel again and accept those feelings - and then I started let them go (it's a process I'm still working on it). I looked deep at everything I had been repressing and how it had led me to make the choices I'd made...that's just the tip of it. In therapy I did the hard work to get to where I am today. Hard to explain but it was the aha for me.
Alanon definitely had value it was jut not the end all be all for me (I definitely do not consider myself an Alannanie) - it was a way to get out of the house when I still lived with my XAH. It was also a way for me to see what I didn't want...and for me what I didn't want was shifting my set of "rules" that had kept me stuck in my marriage for so long (you know "life rules" - you should do this and that) to another set of Alanon "rules". In addition I got triggered by many of the women at the meetings because my mother is a severe controlling NPD....so I needed mixed meetings.
Ironically the best meetings I found were double winner meetings (they accepted me readily even though I wasn't an A only an Alanon)...those for me just were less triggery and I didn't feel all bound by the rules and such. It was in a double winner meeting I learned step 1 and step 1 was what got me started on my journey...so I did use the steps, but I got them in a place I was more comfortable which was a double winner meeting.
Alanon is alanon - it's not *the* one and only recovery solution - it works for some and not for others...for others like me there are options...I just had to go looking for them. And Alanon was a great supplement to my therapy...so I say there is something in it for everyone but what that is is different and for some it is not the end all solution.
BTW - I'm going to a double winner meeting this week so I guess I still sort of go to Alanon. But don't let people make you think it's the only thing or the only way - the whole idea is for you to find your path -maybe that will be Alanon maybe not.