honeypig

I can relate. I think many of us can. And you may be surprised by the ways in which different people define the "higher power", which I believe is what you're referring to when you say "something in which you don't believe." Maybe this recent thread will help you w/that: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...religious.html

I would echo those who say to get your body to the meetings and see if at some point things don't click in your head and heart. I'd also say go to Amazon or your local library and pick up some Alanon literature. That might help you see things more clearly, too. It helped me start to "get it."

I always want to see the master plan, to see how it's all going to work, to know all the logical details of things too. Absolutely. But I'm learning that sometimes if I let go of that and trust something outside of myself, good things can happen.

I hope you can have that experience also. At most, you'll be spending an hour a week on Alanon; I know I surely spent more than that fretting and stewing before I started to see how to live better and more calmly, and I bet you have too!