I understand your frustration. I felt the same way when I first went to Alanon - it confused me because I wanted to get him help - I felt like I didnt have a problem and so I quit going. After a couple more years of crazytown, I decided to give Alanon another try, so I went back and kept going for the 6 meetings - I went to two different ones, which had a lot of the same people in them (which surprised me as well!). Anyway, long story short - I am glad that I kept going back because I learned that keeping my focus on me and not my AH started making a difference in how I reacted to things, which in turn made a difference in how my AH did things. My AH doesn't say if it bothers him or not (he hides his drinking so he is tolerable for me to deal with for right now), but I go for me and it doesn't matter what his opinion is on the subject of me going. (This is not how I used to think - I was all about him!) It does help, and some meetings will have a meeting (usually lunch or dinner) after/before the alanon meeting and you can speak more freely and openly. Also, you can get telephone numbers or email addresses to talk and reason things out with others that are going through the same pain that you are.
I hope you give it a try - all meetings that I have been to will open with the 12 steps and traditions - everyone takes a turn reading a step/tradition.
Also this site has helped me tremendously!!!
I had some serious co-dependent issues to deal with - and I really don't know how I would have my sanity if it wasn't for Alanon and this site!
Keep reading and posting. It really helps get things in prospective!