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Old 12-04-2013, 12:06 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
SparkleKitty
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,448
When I told my therapist I had begun dating someone that I knew to be an A (despite having just spent years dealing with the fallout of having an A mom), she asked me why I would willingly enmesh myself with someone as emotionally unavailable as an A. I have no memory of my response (thank goodness -- oof), but I do recall that she replied, "Well, all you're really doing is keeping yourself from a relationship with someone who is."

I got SO MAD AT HER. I thought she was being judgmental, I thought it wasn't her job to judge my choices and say things like that (oh, so many clues that she had said something important and life-changing!!!), and I let her know. She let me have my say but wouldn't renege the comment.

Many months later it finally sank in that she was right. And thank goodness it did because the world opened up to me that day. So when you say:

"I am essentially abandoning a life-long fantasy, and I'm terrified I won't recognize myself without it."

...I have to wonder -- what if the You without that fantasy is...unrecognizably extraordinary? What if she's a surprising, vibrant, beautiful butterfly that has just been waiting in the wings to emerge? What if letting go of this fantasy is better than you can possibly imagine?

Maybe...just maybe...it's time to find out?
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