btdt on some Very Harsh issues in the Past (now past, finally, TYG).
Here is my best advice.
That which is your Fear: Turn around, face it square on, run straight into it.
It is sort of like running into a Wall-of-Fire magic trick. While it looks like large flames, it is only a fraction of an inch thick and will not even singe you as you pass through.
While every thing Back Then was very real . . . . now, It is all an illusion.
What is your fear?