Originally Posted by
Justwantnormal 
My AH doesn't ever get drunk in front of the kids, it's always when they're in bed or he's out of the house. I hadn't even considered the impact his drinking has on them because in my head they were removed from the situation. Over the past few months though, I've noticed that the older ones behaviour around AH is entirely different from what it is around just me. He goes from this sweet little child to an out-of-control kid that is constantly misbehaving. It drives me batty! It's adding to my feeling of just not wanting AH around. He (my son) has started telling AH he doesn't like him on a daily basis too. I'm starting to see that maybe this is all a reflection of the alcohol, in a more indirect way. AH is always tired, hungover or keeping himself busy to avoid drinking while the kids are awake. His attention is actually on the kids in very short bursts. More than that though, I can see now that my son is likely responding to the tension that I'm holding. I've cut off a lot of emotion with AH in order to stay sane, and I think my son is following suit. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to damage my kids! This is terrifying me.
Mine used to do that too, wait until the kids were asleep but then it progressed to a glass of wine at dinner and then hiding it from us by going to the garage to get something and now going fishing and exvuse to drink. So even though he is not really drinking in front of them, it is affecting them. I didnt think it affected the kids either because he is not a beligerent or aggressive drunk. he is the reclusive closet drinker. We dont have the aggressiveness or fighting in our house that others do. We have the opposite, distance-no affection and living like roomates. So I thought "well certainly then my situation is different and the kids arents as affected because we dont fight". I should sacrifice my happness for the well-being of the kids. What they do see though is a father that is marginally involved because he is hung over, drinking, thinking about drinking, too tired, too whatever etc etc etc and a mom who is angry and resentful struggling to be both a mom and dad because she cant depend on her husband. There is alot of unspoken tension in our house. On the outside we look like the perfect family. I have now realized it is affecting them. They are not seeing what a true partnership/marriage is and should be. I dont want them to grow up and hate me because I was "sick one" who lashed out too much. I do see now that being in a peacefull environment 5 days a week is healthier than a toxic one 7 days a week. My almost 5 year-old is also a behavior problem lately and I do think it is stemming from the anxiety/tension he sees in our house.