Terrified...
My AH doesn't ever get drunk in front of the kids, it's always when they're in bed or he's out of the house. I hadn't even considered the impact his drinking has on them because in my head they were removed from the situation. Over the past few months though, I've noticed that the older ones behaviour around AH is entirely different from what it is around just me. He goes from this sweet little child to an out-of-control kid that is constantly misbehaving. It drives me batty! It's adding to my feeling of just not wanting AH around. He (my son) has started telling AH he doesn't like him on a daily basis too. I'm starting to see that maybe this is all a reflection of the alcohol, in a more indirect way. AH is always tired, hungover or keeping himself busy to avoid drinking while the kids are awake. His attention is actually on the kids in very short bursts. More than that though, I can see now that my son is likely responding to the tension that I'm holding. I've cut off a lot of emotion with AH in order to stay sane, and I think my son is following suit. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to damage my kids! This is terrifying me.