Thank you everyone for your comments. After he just did and said something particularly unacceptable yesterday, I have cut off contact with him. I can't live with that level of toxicity in my life and I'm tired of having to adapt my own behavior to his insanity and irrationalism. Why should I be the one who always bends over backwards for him? He's an adult, not an 2 year old. (I think that having an actual child has now given me some perspective on this, since now I actually do have a little baby that I have to adapt to, and adapting to the whims of an adult alcoholic makes no sense by comparison.)
I had started waking up every morning nervous about what is going to be in my email. It was like that living with him, and after having had a little peace after getting away from him, I can't go back to feeling afraid every day. The concept of detachment is a good one, but there is only so much that you can realistically detach from someone who is actively abusing you (either verbally or physically) on a regular basis. (Unlike other people, I could never just leave the apartment when he started to get abusive because I was afraid he would destroy my belongings, including all of my work and research--detaching by leaving when he was drunk or hungover and angry would have just made him angrier and put me more at risk later. There are some kind of alcoholics that you just cannot safely be with.)
I am going to attempt to go through international channels for child support--I found out that I may be able to apply for it at the court in his country, even though I'm a foreigner.