chicory

My adult son has not achieved anything in life, except to find jobs and lose them, when he get that paycheck. Not having money of your own for so long, and drinking when you finally have money, maybe normal. But to drink each day, and to start missing work, because of staying up drinking, that costs you your job, in little time.

He has been unemployed now for a long while. Lives with me. Does not drink because he has no money. I wont buy it.

I help him because I feel there are mental issues involved. He is perhaps add, aspbergers, and no doubt anxiety-social anxiety. He was homeless at one point, when his drinking became abusive and dangerous. that was five years ago.

These days, he seems better, emotionally. His most recent job was lost due to him being best man at his best friends wedding, and he had not gotten the weekend off. He does not have a lot of common sense-sees things differently (hence, suspected asbergers). would not ask for the day off, said that they would not give it to him. so, he lost that job. He had been doing pretty well, working, and not abusing the drinking as before.

Now unemployed for 6 months, he is super frustrated. He has no car-the last job he could walk to. now, he admittedly has a hard task, finding a job close enough, but it seems that he always is negative about everything. Tonight, I encouraged him to go tomorrow, in my truck, to just talk to some people, go in a few places. He just gets agitated, saying that it will lead no where, that things are awful. That the stacks of apps will make it a waste of time. I sincerely believe that his anxiety, and depression makes it very very hard for him to function.

When he has gotten a job, you can see that he feels very very happy about it. He wants to work, but his mental attitude, and his overall anxiety overwhelms him. Its like I have to almost physically push him out the door, and tell him where they are hiring. if I said "so and so wants you to come in tomorrow" , he would be there. but he cannot seem to manage to think for his self, or his long history of negative outcomes has made him afraid, or shame maybe, is involved. being 40 years old, and having nothing makes him so angry, but he cannot seem to think of what to try. I know people who walk a fair distance to work. I think he is so insecure, feels ashamed to go and ask for a job when his resume would show gaps that an employer would see as a red flag.

I want him to get counsel, but that makes him angry... thinks nothing is wrong except the state of our economy. He spends his time on the computer, and watching the news. I hurt for him. He is a good person, but struggling and in pain. I cannot make him get help, but I fear he will fall through the cracks. He has a sinus issue which drives him crazy, and no health care.

I just wish I knew how to be helpful. I do not believe in putting a person like him out on the street. He is not bad, not being abusive, just watching his life go by, feeling hopeless.

I have posted about this before, and things are not much better, if at all. I want him to have a family, and home, etc, but I truly do not think it will be possible for him, unless he gets counselling, and finds out what it is that makes life so hard for him. He has a high IQ but no common sense. I think he feels less a man, because of his failures. I know I cannot fix that, but what do I do? any thoughts?
I hurt when my family hurts, and life goes by so fast. his life is wasting away.