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Old 12-03-2013, 12:52 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Lyssy
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 380
Originally Posted by FireSprite View Post
In my understanding, yes, definitely similar. And all triggers are not equal, we feel them in varying degrees depending on our abuses. Maybe for an alcoholic a trigger spurs a dramatic or obvious reaction that results in them relapsing & drinking but it's not always so black & white for us Codies.

For me all of my reactions are pretty subtle, but still damaging to me. Maybe I feel insecure because my A is out super late & no longer answering my texts or calls which triggers my feelings of abandonment left unresolved from my childhood with an AF... so I respond by eating my weight in chocolate & Doritos. I can control what I eat even when I can't control his behavior, you see? Illogical? Yes, definitely!

Your example to me is a mild reaction to a trigger, but a reaction nonetheless when you change that channel or leave the room. Without the trigger you wouldn't hit this snag - you would just continue watching the movie, you wouldn't become personally affected.

It's not always violence that creates triggers - verbal abuse, emotional manipulations, abandonment, etc. all provide wonderful breeding ground for future triggers.

In a way triggers show us how far we've come to be healthier as a result of our recoveries - if we were still living in that frame of mind mentally we wouldn't "trigger" it would be part of our day-in-day-out lives, right? Sometimes triggers show us the distance between where we were & how far we've come. JMHO
Thank you very much. This really helped. Just like the A's avoid situations that may cause them to drink, we can avoid situations that make us codies insane (my term relating to me)! I think this is where I am. I truly feel I need distance from my rAH so that I can heal and get healthy. I am discovering several things that trigger negative responses in me relating to different situations with him - especially his control (or at least my perception of what he is doing as control) along with some other issues. I just can't figure out how to get the distance and time alone without physically leaving.

Hind site - I wish that I had not allowed him to come home shortly after detox/rehab, maybe things would be different now, but water under the bridge and I have to deal with what is now.
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