O I don't let my AH drive my kids unless I completely know he is sober, and I drive them to all evening activities because even if he is sober to start with, what will he do in that hour or two he is waiting? It runs me to death, but no more so than if I was a single mother. Lucikly I ALWAYS can tell if he has been drinking. If he picks up anyone he has to call me or see me first so I know he is sober. I can tell if he drinks AT ALL.
One thing I do see however is how it is affecting my children. I went into my daughters room on Saturday. They (ages 14 and 8) were talking very low and I could hear the stress in their voices. My little daughter was telling my older daughter that earlier when I was downstairs and he was playing barbies with her that she asked him what he was drinking and he said an energy drink but she thought it was not and that it was a big blue can. Well...low and behold..nope...it was a beer.
It was one beer. I was home (alhough in garage and outside). Were we in danger? No. Was it still causing my children distress? YES. She was very upset because her father had lied to her and that is wrong. Luckily we were getting ready to leave the house anyways so there was no big scene as I am not allowing myself or my children to be exposed to him if he has been drinking.
I did later tell him that conversation because he needs to know how it affects their lives what he is doing. Completely remove me from the picture, he is still messing with his kids heads. I also told my daughter she can tell me anything at any time without worrying about it and that no matter what happens we love her and she did not cause any of this and on and on.
So you see what I am saying here? It is not just the fear of his driving. It is also him acting a fool if he drinks too much (which is why I won't allow us to be exposed to it). It is the damage it causes all of us in our lives.
Originally Posted by
JustAGirl1971 
Hopeful, I'm in a different situation. My husband primarily drinks at home, alone, so rarely drinks & drives. When he does, it's always after watching a game at a friend's house or bar. In those cases, my children are never with him so very different from your situation. (& yes, that's still totally wrong.)
On the other hand, my BIL frequently drinks & drives, has had a DUI, & has driven drunk with his kids in the car. I do not let my kids ride with BIL.
In my husband's case, I learned a long time ago that if I told him he couldn't drive because he'd been drinking, it would just start an argument. To avoid that, any time I suspect he's been drinking, I just drive the kids wherever they have to go, even if it's inconvenient for me. He doesn't like driving them places so that's fine with him. To be honest, he really only drives dd to school a couple mornings and to the occasional afternoon ortho appointment on his days off. I don't know what I'd do in your case. You are right that you do have a duty to protect your children that transcends your husband's right to do what he wants.