Originally Posted by honeypig

I am hearing it said that I have no right to know if my A is drinking or not. I am hearing it said that I have serious issues if I can't decide to trust or not trust based on, basically, nothing at all...

What I am figuring out for myself here is that I DO have a right to know whether my A is drinking or not. He may be an adult with rights of his own, but so am I, and MY rights include not being lied to and not having money withdrawn from joint accounts w/o both parties knowing it is being done and why. I cannot force him to change these behaviors, very true, but I am also not going to wear blinders and pretend it is not happening.

I DO have a right to look at the evidence and decide if I am going to trust or if I'm being lied to again. Otherwise how do I know if I'm being played again? I know, put it in the HP's hands--well, the HP gave me eyes and a brain, too, which I did not use for the past how many years, and look where it landed me!

Thank you to all who posted here--you've forced me to think very hard about this. I respectfully disagree with many of you (for now, anyway, as things can always change) but again, I thank you for making me really struggle with this, even if in the end I don't agree.