Originally Posted by
DayDreamer33 
Hello All,
I've always been plagued by this miserable question why. Ever since I was like 8 years old. Like why does gravity work, why are we here, why is the sky blue, and so on and so forth.
I am now a sophomore in college, not even 21. I am on the varsity swim program at my said college. Recently as of the day before thanksgiving I decided I want to quit drinking. Well more like I need to. I surely do not want to. Tuesday night, two nights before thanksgiving, marked the second time in four weeks that I drank so much that I not only passed out, threw up for hours, and couldnt speak, but I also lost bowel control. The first time I was in my own house. Not that this made it okay, especially since I wasnt the one cleaning myself up even at home. The second time (this is two nights before thanksgiving), I was in a strangers house. A friend knew the person and I was with the friend. Needless to say I didnt make it home that night.
In general during recent drinking, I have been in need of being taken care of. I realize how horrible of a person I am doing this to others.
So i have come to ask myself, why do i want to drink this much? And this is my answer:
1) I love the feeling of being drunk
2) I love having no rules for a change. (i know that there are rules sober but drunk I believe I can do anything)
3) Once drunk, I feel like I am never drunk enough
4) I like the feeling of living life on the edge. what if i drink too much and die i sometimes think. this makes it so much more invigorating
5) i never feel very strong emotions or attachment to others sober. being drunk changes this
I realize all these reasons are very bad and very dangerous to myself and others. However, I am often bored/fed up with the society I watch around me and i feel the need to leave it, and this is my escape.
Feel free to comment and give advice or share a story. Especially to thinks such as number 5 and number 4. My lack of interest in the world is something when fixed I believe I will have little reason to drink again. But who knows.
My own drinking problems arose when I got to college. I drank excessively at any opportunity to achieve much of what you are: escape, adrenaline, alternate personality, etc. I never did reach a rock bottom from drinking during college and afterward, so I never had a compelling event to make me stop. Rather, I accumulated a catalog of 10 years of negative events I could attribute to drinking. Not sure which is more powerful of a motivator, frankly.
Not sure if you're into philosophy, but Jean Jacques Rousseau expounded in his Discourse on the Origin of Inequality (hope I have the title correct) that humans are motivated to act by two intrinsic factors: self-preservation and avoidance of pain felt by others. One can interpret these factors in a number of ways, but you can apply them in this context by reasoning that it is against your human nature to use alcohol. Alcohol is a harmful substance that has nominal health benefits in relation to its danger potential. It also has a remarkable ability to cause someone to do things that hurt others--whether physically or emotionally.
Philosophy aside, here's a fact: you don't need alcohol to feel feelings, be social or love life. You can do that without extraneous substances. Until you embody that fact, you will be afflicted with an urge to drink.
I wish you luck and congrats on demonstrating foresight at this early stage in your life.