I had forgotten
We put up and decorated the tree this morning, to the sound of Christmas songs and with hot chocolate and cookies.
I sat by the boxes, took out the ornaments, and handed them to the children, who hung them.
At the bottom of the box of ornaments, I found an envelope. It was addressed to my children, in my handwriting. And it said "in case I'm not around at Christmastime 2013."
I hid it before they saw it.
I had forgotten. I had forgotten that when we took the decorations down, I was living in so much fear that I was not convinced that their father would not have killed me by now.
I don't even know what I'm feeling. It's amazing what you can forget. It's amazing how a person can change.