First post: Why do I want to drink
Hello All,
I've always been plagued by this miserable question why. Ever since I was like 8 years old. Like why does gravity work, why are we here, why is the sky blue, and so on and so forth.
I am now a sophomore in college, not even 21. I am on the varsity swim program at my said college. Recently as of the day before thanksgiving I decided I want to quit drinking. Well more like I need to. I surely do not want to. Tuesday night, two nights before thanksgiving, marked the second time in four weeks that I drank so much that I not only passed out, threw up for hours, and couldnt speak, but I also lost bowel control. The first time I was in my own house. Not that this made it okay, especially since I wasnt the one cleaning myself up even at home. The second time (this is two nights before thanksgiving), I was in a strangers house. A friend knew the person and I was with the friend. Needless to say I didnt make it home that night.
In general during recent drinking, I have been in need of being taken care of. I realize how horrible of a person I am doing this to others.
So i have come to ask myself, why do i want to drink this much? And this is my answer:
1) I love the feeling of being drunk
2) I love having no rules for a change. (i know that there are rules sober but drunk I believe I can do anything)
3) Once drunk, I feel like I am never drunk enough
4) I like the feeling of living life on the edge. what if i drink too much and die i sometimes think. this makes it so much more invigorating
5) i never feel very strong emotions or attachment to others sober. being drunk changes this
I realize all these reasons are very bad and very dangerous to myself and others. However, I am often bored/fed up with the society I watch around me and i feel the need to leave it, and this is my escape.
Feel free to comment and give advice or share a story. Especially to thinks such as number 5 and number 4. My lack of interest in the world is something when fixed I believe I will have little reason to drink again. But who knows.