Gracey,
Your post reminds me of something that I have shared here - a piece of advice that has benefited me greatly. Here goes...
I've heard it said that "Friendship" is the gift we give ourselves. Much live forgiveness. But if we give a gift with the intention of getting back something (love, friendship, acceptance, companionship) then it isn't a gift, it is a bribe.
I am enjoying myself more when I get together with my friends. I think some of it is b/c I am less (note I didn't say not) worried about what they think, or how I sound, or what I did that might not have been acceptable.
Example, a little more than a month ago I was at the shoe store and I met a woman there. She asked my opinion about a pair of shoes. I asked her what she did for a living to figure out if the shoes seemed to "work" for her job. She told me that she was a counselor at one of the universities. I just liked her. I thought she was interesting and was glad that I spoke to her. She was brave enough to ask if I might like to meet for lunch at some point and gave me her card. We exchanged some email (sounds like a courtship doesn't it!) and we made arrangements for lunch. The day I met her I was an obsessing lunatic - things with my family had me all wound up - and I was in serious need of some mental help. I blabbered on and on about these crazy folks, but the only person who looked crazy was me! We made tentative plans to get together again in another few weeks.
Afterward I was sooo embarassed. I completely replayed the entire lunch in my head. I analyzed if from every angle and rethought of all the things I said, should have said, wished I hadn't said. I was sure she thought I was crazy. I left her 2 voice mail messages and then started the self-doubt all over again. Well we finally chatted and she didn't mention a thing about it, i.e. me being crazy. And we made plans to go to lunch. We did, just recently, and it was so much fun. I was less crazy, more relaxed and we had a wonderful lunch. But it was still hard, b/c the "old" me with all the self-doubt still lives in the cupboard under the stairs in my head and comes out when things are stressful.
What I learned is that it is not going to be perfect. No relationship is, but we each have something that the other person likes and enjoys so we share that for a few hours and build up some new energy. Sometimes I am nervous to meet folks, even those I know well, but I have yet to regret the time spent with them. Sometimes I just need a shove in the right direction.
Now we're going to try and get our spouse introduced and see how they get along. It's just another day, and it doesn't have to be perfect.
Peace,
Petunia