I have lost a lot of people in my life. I don't know if it was my AH behavior or me protecting my humility by avoiding them. I think BOTH after I just wrote it. Well now that my AH has gone to prison my family and friends are making contact with me, inviting me over, wanting to go out. I don't know if they are just worried about me and it will pass or I can resume these relationships. My emotions and thoughts are also all over the place. You put it into great words "I can't keep up with myself" Every hour is a new thought or reality. It is very scary to feel this way, kind of out of control. I guess we need to keep the thoughts flowing.