lizatola

Long story short, I asked AH for a separation after the holidays. The silent treatment and passive aggressive behavior became too much for me and I finally had had enough. Ah went on a missions trip to Haiti last week and came back a spiritual man full of praise and prayer(so he says). He says the trip changed him and he wants to fix our marriage. I then told him I wanted to separate anyway and he got angry and we got into a huge fight and I realized he hadn't changed 'that' much. I won't go into details because it's just the typical arguments we have anyway.

Now, all of a sudden he's sending me communicative emails. He's telling me he's going to find pastoral counseling for us and he's looking into apartments and he's packing up his coffee mugs, etc. He's being very nice and compliant and is actually speaking to me. For 2 months before this trip he was ridiculous in how he responded to me. I would tell him I loved him and he'd say "OK". I would ask him what his business trip was like and try to communicate and get details, just to open up the lines of communication, and I'd get one word answers.

The final straw for me was when all of us were in the car and we were discussing my sister, who is dating a new man. AH asked if they were sleeping together yet and I said that's none of our business. He then made a few statements about, "that's the only reason a guy's going to stay in a relationship. If he's not getting s*x, there's no reason to stick around." So, he just told our 15 year old that you don't need to stay with a woman if she doesn't put out right away? I told him that they had only been dating a month. Anyway, completely inappropriate to say in front of a teen. Then, my mom and her spouse were visiting right before he left for Haiti and he didn't speak more than 10 words to her. He came to dinner with us one night and just sat there while the 3 of us had a normal conversation. It was creepy and he says he was just protecting himself, not punishing us with his silence. That's how he defends his silent treatment ALL THE TIME!

So, I'm sitting here trying to figure out if he's quacking or if he's for real. Can one week on a missions trip really change someone enough? I seriously doubt it, especially after our fight in the car on the way home from the airport.

I left everything in his hands, except the finances. I told him: find a therapist and let me know. Find an apartment, let me know. Just 'let me know', is pretty much my response. If he continues working on things and doing what was asked of him, maybe then I'll have my answers. Or, maybe he's just blowing smoke up my rear and hoping that I'll change my mind because he's being so nice? Only time will tell!