I think in our case the children were not aware of the drinking that much, as AH hid it pretty well and it wasn't discussed, really.
What was disturbing overtly to them were some big fights. And they saw ME angry, more obviously many times than AH. AH was subtle and cruel in his abuse and often intentionally upset me in a way that was not obviously his fault.
They were aware of me being upset, me being scared, me calling the police.
And Dad blaming everything on me and crying when things happened like his going to jail for being violent. But he made himself the object of everyone's pity and so I liked like the bad guy.
All very confusing to everyone but one person. AH.
They don't feel free of these problems because their father is still behaving badly and worse with them than before. He is ignoring DS16, and now targeting DD13. He is withholding money, attention, care. With us so far away the children don't give him much narcissistic supply so he isn't as keen on being involved.
I don't think there was any possible choice but to get out. But it is too soon to say the children are benefitting from the separation. I am suffering. And their father is working overtime to convince them and everyone that he is not an A, just a nice guy who misses his kids and is being abused - by me.
My poor angels. I don't know how they are ever going to figure any of this out. I just love them extra hugely and tell them that a gazillion times a day and try to keep things as happy and honest and stable as possible. Hoping that will see them through. I can only control - me.