lillamy

Babe, it's not about strength. Sometimes it's just about it feeling more dangerous to stay than to leave. That's what pushed me over the edge. Don't short-change yourself and think that other people have some secret power you lack and that's why they leave and you don't.

Every time someone makes a post about the effect on children of living with an A parent, I cringe. Because while every word of how horrendous it is is true, I feel like it often adds a burden to a parent who is already feeling like utter crap about themselves and their abilities and strengths.

I know that I minimized and refused to listen to posts like these while I was still living with AXH. Not because I didn't believe them, but because my capacity for beating myself up was maxed out. And when I got the additional "and the kids are f-d for life" added to the mix, I just shut down. I believed that I was weak, awful, and a horrendous parent who basically just deserved to die.

I don't for a second want to attack the OP for the post -- I agree with every single word, WTBH, and I can add that I have two kids diagnosed with PTSD; I'm considering getting a second job to pay for therapy for all three children; one of my kids says the same thing Mike said -- she has almost no memories of her childhood but she's wanted to die for as long as she can remember.

I just wanted to add the perspective that while you may not have the energy to take in at this very moment what the OP says, it doesn't make you a horrendous person. It doesn't make you a bad parent. You have to remember that you are in the situation you are because YOU are suffering under the same family disease your children are. Yes, you're an adult. Yes, you need to stiffen that spine and do what needs to be done. For everyone's sake. But don't beat yourself up. Give yourself credit for all you are capable of doing DESPITE living in the hell you're living in.

Chin up. You can do what needs to be done. If I could do it, you can.