I haven't left yet (or actually asked him to leave though we have discussed it.) And, I definitely don't have it all figured out. Quite the opposite
I know it's hard. I can't imagine what I'd do in your situation. In the end,
you have to decide what's best for you & your kids and if you decide that's staying, then stay and don't apologize for it because you don't owe any of us anything! And, in the end, it really doesn't matter what we think. I mean this with the most respect and love. This is hard and none of us have all the answers unfortunately.