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Old 11-19-2013, 12:25 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
Aeryn
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 431
WTBH,

We've talked about this in PM before but as you know your mother is a severe narcissist which is much more than the typical "dysfunctional alcoholic family" - narcissists are incapable of empathy or love. It sucks but it's just the truth of it...what I've done in my therapy is accepted the fact that my mother is this way and will likely never change (most true NPDs - not the ones we just casually label "narcissist" are incapable of change and not interested especially at this level).

It is OK if you decide you don't want to contact her or want to limit contact. I am no contact with my severe NPD mother due to her abuse. I will not be initiating contact anytime soon and multiple therapists have told me this is the right course of action. It's different for everyone - for some limited contact is possible but she will never change so you have to make the contact with that in mind. Do not feel bad about saying no to her or drawing a boundary - when I do have a rare moment of letter contact with my mother I make sure not to emotionally react (that is what she WANTS me to do - narcissists love the game).

Just remember it is HER not YOU and an emotional reaction is what she is looking for - don't feed her disease (just my humble opinion based on my own experiences).

PS - Many others will NOT understand, so don't let someone else tell you you are being "mean" or "not progressed in recovery" - a true NPD is nothing like an alcoholic family with typical dysfunction.
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