My AH (alcoholic husband I guess??) was very close to my dad and yet, once the funeral was over, he just quit thinking I needed support. I found my father on the bathroom floor following a second, fatal heart attack- I was alone in his house with him and my three young children while my husband had already left to find us a house at our new duty station. It was seriously a nightmare. And now that I think about it- you are right- it ISN'T about him. I have begun counseling recently and she is helping me to see that I need to process my own issues before I deal with my husband's. I have ten times the pressure that he does right now- and I am floored by his selfishness. I know a few avenues to pursue as far as possibly seeking some help that wouldn't harm his career.
I am so glad I found this place.