Originally Posted by
lovefirstalways 
He's been under a lot of pressure in the last year- war, we lost my dad, a new work environment. I'm not trying to make excuses, just giving some background info. He isn't taking any of those things well. I have always been the backbone, strong, independent one in our relationship- and he lost his mind when he saw me struggle through my dad's unexpected passing.
I am so sorry you lost your dad.
Do you realize that your H appears to have made YOUR dad's death about HIM???? That's not normal. It was YOUR dad-- youre the one who should have been allowed to take it hard and have your H to lean on... Instead it sounds like he took it hard and you comforted him. That angers me for you.
Alcoholics are self centered and from the sounds of it even a death of YOUR father was made to be about your H's dealing with it. I'm so sorry.
You've been under a lot of pressure too... Not just your H has.... Whether he is under pressure or not is not why he drinks. It's his excuse for why he drinks. And a BS one at that.
In fact you sound like you are living in a pressure cooker. But are you being a jerk or irresponsible or drinking? No. You are a mom, a wife, a friend and you are a grown up who is responsible. Alcoholics seem to be the most childlike irresponsible people on this planet... And they convince us that they are right to be irresponsible and stressed and drunk bc of their stress when the reality is that the rest of the world sucks it up and deals. The rules are different for them though.
Don't protect AH's career (them knowing and him having to face natural consequences would probably be good for him and if he keeps drinking like he is he will get caught I bet)