Do you think there is an issue?
It sounds to me like you do. And it sounds to me like there is.
Your post reads a lot like what I think my first ones sounded like. Trying to explain my then H's behavior (stressful job, family history, minimizing the obvious alcoholic behavior) and wanted desperately to come here and have someone tell me he isn't an alcoholic, that there was a simple solution etc...
4+ years later I am in the middle of a divorce... The behavior that brought me here was the same as yours... Blaming me, avoiding being home, finding bottles, his agitation with me and I really wanted to believe there was something going on other than the obvious.
Sounds to me like your H is an alcoholic... He leaves because he wants to drink, he blames you for why he leaves so that he can feel justified to drink (otherwise he would have to say to himself "Im ditching my wife and kids to go get drunk" so of course he will blame you). He gets mad if you DARE to address the topic of his drinking (somewhere here there is a list of traits of alcoholics and among those is "does he/she get angry when the topic of their drinking is brought up?").
I am sorry for the circumstances that bring you here-- it's a great site and supportive and while my story ended not how I wanted (I desperately wanted to have the happy family life I thought I would have when I married him) I am writing a new story and this one involves my kids and I being healthy, safe and happy and that's only possible in my case with my AH nowhere near me.
Please post often and know you are cared for. What you are experiencing is familiar to many of us....
Originally Posted by
lovefirstalways 
My husband has a high-stress job. We have three children. We live a fast-paced life and move often.
My husband is also the son of a raging alcoholic and the grandson of a recovering alcoholic.
He and I have been having a lot of arguments lately- I thought I had done something wrong and he let me believe that. He started leaving the house when we would get in fights, said he needed "time to straighten things out in his head" He'd go camping for the night.
These nights away from home became more frequent and then they stopped after awhile. Then we would start arguing again because when he was here, he still wasn't here. He was like a zombie- this man that wanted to do nothing, go nowhere, not have friends, not doing anything social.
I noticed how quickly he was going through cases of beer. How he would take down a six pack a night, sometimes every night of the week. He got angry if I said anything about it. Eventually we decided to separate for awhile, to give each other space to see what we wanted to do about our marriage.
Now when he comes home, he's only here for a few hours at a time before he gets anxious to run out the door again. I know he's not cheating- and it's not because I'm blind or dumb. When he is home for the weekend, he goes through a 1.75 liter bottle of Bacardi in two days.
He's a big guy and I never see him visibly get drunk from the drinking. But I see him put down so much alcohol. And I am not a big drinker myself, I like flavored stuff, hard cider to beer- and when he's desperate for a drink and his stuff is gone, I find empty bottles of the things I have for myself. I have found empty vodka bottles hidden in the garage- he tried to tell me it was from family visiting. But then I also found some in the trunk of his car.
I'm so worried about him- ad when I told him that he got angry, said that he was fine, not to worry.
I don't want to push an issue if there isn't one...but please tell me- is there one?