Yes. Moderation is a tricky lie; at least for me it is. It is like someone with a disease saying that they are "cured" because they wished it away.
My plan, I guess, is to stay sober. I hope I have had enough experience this year with what works and what doesn't. Number one, is finally accepting that there is no magic way for me to moderate and be normal. I just cannot do it. Relapses are hard and so are the withdrawals after you realize you need to sober up.
Part of my trigger was that I stopped running. The weather was getting hot, and instead of doing early-morning runs, I stopped running for a couple of months.