Devastated,
My heart goes out to you as I just read your post. But I think you've done the right thing. You are putting an end to the abuse he has been putting you through for a long time. I KNOW it is NOT an easy step, but bottom line is if you don't take care of yourself, NO ONE ELSE will.
I can't help but think about the conversation I had with the doctor who runs the out patient treatment place where my daughter goes. I was feeling like NO ONE understood me, a parent of an A. Seems like everyone else in the program with my daughter was an adult, thus there was NO WAY anyone, including the folks treating my daughter, could understand how a PARENT feels in all this. (See how naive I was?...
Well.......gimme a break, I'm learning...
)
Anyway so I thought I'd just ask the doctor if he knew how all this felt, how helpless a parent feels in all this. Now, I knew the doctor had children but her counselor does not, thus the reason I was feeling "they don't understand!" When I asked the doctor about his children and if alcoholism had touched them, I'll never forget his response and the look on his face.
He said, "I have five children and all five are alcoholics. Three are in the program (AA and been through treatment) and I have a wonderful relationship with them. Two are not working the program and I have no relationship with them." The heartache in his eyes told it all. HE DID, IN FACT, KNOW EXACTLY HOW I WAS/AM FEELING. He went on to tell me that he finally had to draw the line and tell his remaining two children that he could not, for his own sake, continue to keep contact with them. It was too painful for him. And I could see the hurt and disappointment in his eyes as he told me this story.
Devastated, I know you will do whatever the right thing is for you when you need to do it. Just know that there are other parents out here (even though our situations are different) that understand the pain that a parent goes through with an alcoholic child. Letting go is probably the hardest thing we will ever do.
Hugs gal. Our prayers are with you.