Originally Posted by
Hammer 
There are some fMRI type scanning that can help give the look-ahead at this point, but that work is considered more research than treatment. At least for now.
BIG thing you can do for now is to help her FEEL safe, and also KEEP her safe.
Sounds like the Grandparents are clueless meddlers and enablers and you should likely keep them completely out of the process. The meddlers and enablers only pretend to help others. Really they behave the way they do for themselves.
If you can, I would go to some extreme efforts as far as the Alateen stuff goes. Even if just Alanon is available locally, go to them -- Alateen is sponsored by Alanon, and Alanon conducts the training for Alateen workers. Start barking up the tree through the local Alanon hierarchy to get you help.
[YOU WILL HELP MANY, MANY, OTHERS BY DOING THAT]
My kids have absolutely loved Alateen. I think it feels wonderful to them that they are not alone. Same as SR and Alanon does for us. Go Figure, huh?
You follow that a strong reaction is still an indication of a Major underlying problem, right?
This behavior will also isolate her.
When she is "All Clear," it will not have much meaning.
We did take her to an Alanon meeting, but the average age was about 60. It was helpful, in that they were very kind to her and allowed her to speak, and they gave her leaflets etc., but she wasn't overly keen to go back. The nearest Alateen is about 70 miles away, and is on weeknights, which would be impossible for us given her schooling and our work commitments. She has joined a website called COAP (Children of Addicted Parents), and we have had some very useful literature from The National Association of Children of Alcoholics. Her specialist counsellor is called a Hidden Harm Worker, and she's been especially helpful, so we think we're doing the best we can to help her. As regards her overreaction to others drinking, well we have talked to her about this and explained that having a social drink is okay, that many people do and aren't alcoholics, but it seems to me that at 14, pretty much everything is over-dramatised, especially with girls! My own bio children are both boys, grown up now at 20 and 25, and they were completely different as teens.
It's interesting to hear about the MRI scanning, I've not heard of that before. But, as you say, it's just research at the moment, and in the US. We do worry so much about how she could turn out, all too aware that she could go down the same road. So, we try to provide her with as normal life as possible, and aren't too strict on her because we don't want to give her anything to 'rebel' against. It's like walking a tightrope sometimes!!