Originally Posted by
FireSprite 
Absolutely agree, 1000%. I see this with my niece because in the early days of my sister's divorce she still allowed visitation with her XAH & it was awful for DN. By the time he left town & my sister finally went no contact, DN was a wreck of a kid, starting to self harm, suffering internally in ways we couldn't reach.
Now he has popped back up, 5+ yrs later & my niece is violently adament about NOT seeing him. He's trying to use the courts to force visitation in order to stop his child support debt from accruing so once again, she's his pawn. Except now she's 14 and has spent years working with counselors, teachers, etc. building her confidence, stopping her destructive ways, excelling in school & all of her activities. It took YEARS for her to get to this point and if she were forced to have visitation I can't even imagine how damaging it would be, nevermind how much more permanent the damage might be based on her age & what she's already been through.
If you have the law on your side & your SD has the awareness of mind to CHOOSE to avoid her AM, I say support her at all costs. (But maybe I'm a little emotional on this issue because DN is going through this right now.)
I am so sorry that your niece is suffering this way, and can wholeheartedly sympathise and understand. And, I agree. SD is more than capable of making decisions herself now, and she doesn't believe her mother will complete rehab, and even if she does she believes she will relapse. She's just told me that her grandmother told her last night on the phone that her mum is expecting to be rebuilding their relationship as soon as she leaves rehab, and she told her grandmother that won't be the case and that for her to even begin to consider seeing her mother again she wants medical proof that she's dry. We will support that. It's awful isn't it, how these poor kids suffer. We will never allow her to suffer any more.