I can suggest you go to the rational recovery website, and read the crash course in AVRT. It will begin the process that you need to go through to understand your AV, and to recognize it in your thoughts as they occur. As you learn how to do this, you can understand that since you have already decided to quit drinking for good and you have made your Big Plan to quit drinking, that these thoughts don't represent what you have chosen for yourself, they are the thoughts coming from your alcohol parasite, from your addiction. You can recognize them as 'not you', and dismiss them.
The Crash Course will also help you to understand why you are so divided on the idea of quitting drinking. Part of you knows that it must happen, but the other part keeps messing it up. The Crash Course will show you that this is the nature of addiction simply because if there is no desire to quit, or there is no need to quit, then it can't be called an addiction.
Please keep posting and asking questions. There is no doubt that each of you can succeed at this, but you first need to believe that you can. Onward!