Itsmc4u, I just wanted to say that I feel your pain. My parents were both alcoholics, both had problems with anger. They were sometimes abusive and sometimes oblivious to me and my siblings. Both of them died from the effects of alcoholism. It's been over ten years now since my father passed away, and he drank as long as he was well enough to hold a glass. My Mom passed away three years ago. It was so hard to lose them, and I still feel sad and angry sometimes. It's weird to miss them but also to feel this strange relief that I no longer have to deal with their problems. And I know that feeling of worrying that you will turn out like them! My childhood was so chaotic that it's hard for me to remember sometimes that I am grown up now and can choose to live a peaceful life! Anyway, it has been hard, but life goes on and it gets easier with time. I have the peace in my life now that I never had as a child. My thoughts are with you--please do know that it will get better. Hugs!