Jeni, my pal, please, don't be disheartened.
It's annoying and upsetting, yes. I understand you perfectly, because I've been there a lot of times.
Yes, it is not the same as smoking of drinking.
It is much more badass challenge.
First, wine and smoking are "straightforward" addiction - you either drink alcohol/lit up a cigarette, or no.
Second, these addictions are "recognized" by society as harmful, so it's much easier to make it crucial and important goal to stick to.
As for cookies, snacks, etc. - here things are getting more "interesting".
No one would care or blame your for eating this. Everyone is doing it. A lot of people do it to cope with stress, anxiety, depression, etc. And only few take courage to realize that it is not so "innocent" - it is one of the Beast heads as well.
You have this courage. There's no doubt about this.
And you surely deserve to end every reincarnation of the Beast leaving it no space in your life, whatever mask it prefers to wear. And you surely deserve to eat good food that will bring you energy instead of tons of sugar that causes anxiety (it really does - I can tell you from my experience). You surely deserve to choose the best "fuel and construction material" for you body - because in the long run (and in short as well) it will help you to look great and stay young and active as long as it ever possible.
My AV has been playing these tricks with me all the time.
First, with definition of bingeing.
Then, after quitting sweets to more "comforting" food - like bread, cheese, dried fruits ( I love dates), nuts, etc. List can go forever.
I have no wish to ban nuts or dates. DOes it mean I am going to binge on them? Hell, no.
Because when I feel this urge to go and buy myself some food - just anything, but something delicious, just because I am worried, afraid to sit to writing, mad at my brother, etc. - I know that it is not me, it is my AV barking.
Yes, for crying outloud, what could be more "innocent" than wholegrain bread and cheese? But only if eating this doesn't mean I am running from my fears again.
Morality...I, to tell the truth, almost hate this word. Because so many nasty things go behind the shield of morality. I wonder - do producers of such uber crap like potato chips (waste deposit of transfat, burnt potatoes, and lots of artificial ingredients) think about morality? Morality when they produce this crap, spend lots of money to advertize it, and make us believe we absolultey need this in our life. Really, the Earth would just stop rotating if manufacturing of chips (cookies not much better if you look at ingredients) stops. And when I mention I don't eat it, some people tell me: "Oh, don't become obsessed with healthy eating?". Really? Come on. What kind of morality is this?
Sorry, didn't meant to sound preaching...
Back to the original topic.
The Beast doesn't want to die. It will grab every straw of hope to survive - even if it is bingeing on greeen salad.
Be ruthless with it. You don't need any crap to beat anxiety - it never helped anyone regardless of conventional beliefs.
Take a deep breath, feel this uneasiness, sit with it for 10 minutes. What is that the beast is trying to hide from you behind this anxiety?
I know what - your next level of self-confidence and power. Because once you discover it, there's no way back. AV will never be able to feed you this BS again.
And don't be so hard on yourself. You may be lost a little beat of momentum right now, but it's ok - it's a new thing for you. You'll bounce back and kick its a$$. Because you are a real fighter.
Keep your chin up!
And I am always here for support)
Hugs to you, my badass pal.
Headlump - how are you doing?
My positive vibrations to all)