Originally Posted by
capersnlox 
I do feel guilty. Even if I couldn't get her into treatment I should have insisted on a home care nurse. I shouldn't have let her go home to die alone. When she was here visiting me we argued and she cried and said "what if this is the last time we see each other? you're breaking my heart" and I said "this will be the last time we see each other if you make it the last time we see each other". But now I feel terribly guilty for making her feel unloved like that. I feel guilty for every time we fought. I feel guilty that I didn't drag her to detox and push her in. I feel like I hurt her and she felt abandoned by me at the end.
As you read through here and start your healing, you will see that this is a typical ploy. Arguing and feeling guilty for standing up for yourself is just another "normal" part of what we go through. The truth is you had your hands full, she should have never put this stress on you. You couldn't pull of a miracle and force her to be well. But it wasn't your job to save her. It was her job and she knew it. You will have countless examples of what a "bad" daughter you were as time goes on, but they are lies we learned to live in the confusing world of alcoholism. You were not in charge of her. There is nothing you did wrong.