Thank you for your replies. I have a reproductive psychiatrist and I am 5 months post partum. I was depressed and anxious during the pregnancy and I took anti-depressants then and continue to take them now. Thank you for telling me not to blame myself. It's good to hear that. I know she made her own choices. I went to my first Al-Anon meeting in many years just now. I think I'm just looking for some way I could have made things different, even if that means blaming myself. I know I didn't cause it, couldn't control it, and couldn't have cured it. I just can't imagine how these terrible things can happen. She was an alcoholic, but she was a wonderful person.