Capersnlox,
I am so sorry. I can hear how much you love your mom. I know , as Amy said , that she knew beyond a doubt, that you loved her.
You did all anyone could do. We cannot force them. Unfortunately, some do die, from this disease. We try, we encourage them, and beg, but it is up to them. No one can force anyone to stop. so please, do not blame yourself. I remember being angry at my mom too, at how much she was destroying her life, with drinking. I avoided being around her at one point, as it was impossible to get her to stop, by begging and pleading. She was very sick, just like your momma was.
Your beloved momma is now free from the horrible disease. She rests , knowing you love her, and that you always cared. I believe she is with you, and will always be a voice in your heart, to guide you.
Take care of yourself, your mom would want that. she would want you to remember her as she used to be. and she would not want you to blame yourself in any way. She would want your happiness and that of her grandbabies.
I am just so sorry. It isn't an easy thing, but just hold her in your heart, and let the good memories give you strength.
my prayers are with you, and your family. May your momma rest sweetly, and remember to listen for her-she will be with you.
Praying for you,
chicory