Well... to be fair, it's such a new relationship that I haven't shown much of this to him... It's actually been really cool because I've discovered I don't NEED to overexpose or rush into forcing my emotionality on him. I have found that if I can just wait long enough to write down what I'm feeling and LOOK at it, I can Really see these co-dependent tendencies just shine straight through. If I can WAIT long enough, it's even possible for me to see the TRUTH and come to the right decision.
It's true that I still don't trust myself fully on the professional front.
I'm 36 years old and I have only tasted professional success on a very small-scale. In fact, I don't even have a 'profession' - I've always been just a 'worker' - wage jobs and what not.
I think there are two things I deserve to give myself before I die:
1) The chance at a HEALTHY (meaning upfront, open and honest) relationship
2) A modest amount of financial stability
I used to really stress about the possibility of having kids and I felt I needed to rush. Now I just feel that's in the hands of the gods.
I know it's gonna sound stupid, but there was a quote Eva Longoria made a few weeks ago. She said: "A child is a product of love. If the love is there, I will be blessed to consider having a child... Until then, however, I'm not gonna worry."
I'm paraphrasing here, but still, I LOVE the sentiment.