Blackandblue, thanks. Your entire post was beautifully written.
When I found my way to SR a few years ago, I remember reading posts like yours and wondering if I would ever, ever, ever find that kind of peace. But I'm there now.
It was addiction--to be exact, my relationship with xabf--that changed me for the better. It was addiction that forced me to look honestly at my reasons for choosing broken men in my life, repeatedly. It was painful beyond imagination to be hurt by addiction, but I would still be repeating old ugly patterns if not for the xabf in my life. The things I have learned because of addiction have also made me a better parent, daughter, sister, friend, employee, neighbor, etc.
I saw this tonight and I thought it was fitting:
When the winds of change blow, some people build walls and others build windmills. ~Chinese Proverb~