Originally Posted by
Aeryn 
It's not about blaming it's about feeling it, mourning it (the childhood I never had) and then being able to recognize the behaviors I have from that time that no longer work and adjusting them.
Yes, this is exactly it. I remember being really annoyed at my therapist when she wanted to talk about my mother. In my mind, I had "gotten over" my anger at my mother years ago. I was there to talk about my marriage going to hell, not my parents, lol. After a few months, she helped me to see that I hadn't really "let go" of my anger, I had just buried it, decided not to deal with it, but it was still there and it was still affecting my decisions/behavior.
Another thing I will say is that although I feel I had a really great therapist, who helped me immensely, she was not right 100% of the time. In fact, I would say that around 10-15% of the time, she missed the mark entirely. It was always up to me to decide if I wanted to go in the direction she was pointing. She didn't decide what I needed to work on, she brought up many things and used my reaction as an indicator of whether to pursue further. As a result, I've learned to do that for myself. If something triggers a strong reaction in me, then it's something I need to look at more closely.
L