Originally Posted by
LaTeeDa 
My comment was in response to this. I see rationalizations like this often on SR. I even rationalized and justified in similar ways myself at one point. And that's how I know what it is, and I call BS. I know you have your reasons for staying, but that is entirely on you. You are not doing your son any favors by keeping him in a dysfunctional family in order to "protect" him 24/7. Children learn about relationships through what they live. I most certainly didn't intentionally marry an alcoholic and become a codependent. It was imprinted on my psyche by the main role models in my life--my parents. Being there to run interference on inappropriate conversations in no way offsets the dysfunction of the situation he is forced to live in. L
I just want to echo this post, after years and years of similar behaviour myself. I spent along time telling myself I did things for 'other people'. Whether it be my daughter, my partner, a family member or a friend. Then a couple of years ago I addressed some issues of my own which helped me see I did things for myself. And that a lot of the actions (I took and said I was doing them for other people) were motivated by fear and my inability to take responsibility for myself and my own life. I stayed in relationships that were unhealthy for myself and my daughter as I was too scared to leave and did not want to be lonely. And I felt incapable of leaving. I'm not saying you should leave, just what I have discovered for myself.
The other thing I have discovered is when I tell myself I am doing something for someone else and I believe this, I set myself up for the victim role. Can be a hard thing to shake, I tell you. But oddly enough when I am in this place and doing things because I want to and taking responsibility for myself and my actions, it's a lot easier to live in my own skin regardless of what another is doing.