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Old 10-20-2013, 08:38 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
MissFixit
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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hi
i have been following your post and hesitant to comment but i had a similar experience.

my ex was always generous but gave me a very expensive gift one spring. he had a relapse i didnt fully know about and i told him that he needed to get himself straight w/o me in his face. he agreed, cried told me about his aa, therapy and out patient threatment program. i was so relieved that he was following through albeit with some lapses. six months later he pretty much disconnects from me and i find out that that whole time he was seeing someone who drank wih him, fed his ego and they became engaged. i was totally blindsided as the entire time he told me about his improvement and i not only believed him but was happy that he was getting himself together without me. he also (like your husband) talked a lot about sex and how i better not cheat. cheating is the worst thing you can do to someone he always said. i never have cheated nor given any reason for that to come up. HE was focused on it. we were a part then as i was in school up the road and didnt see his everyday routines at that time.

his recovery was all lies and his discussions about sex and cheating were likely projections onto me.

alcoholics say what we want to hear and some at least mine was very good at manipulating people and throwing me off the reality of what was happening.

i did therapy for a year following that and my therapist (actually two differnt ones) both that a's lie about everything, deflect blame and men especially will seek or be open to female comfort if they aren't getting it at home. both therapists are men btw.

regardless of whether he is or isnt you can be okay. however if he was, would that change anything for you regarding your relationship, living, etc.

the blindsiding is what hurt me the mist as i wasnt prepared to deal w the fallout.
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