Originally Posted by
LaTeeDa 
Growing up with two parents who were unhappy with each other, both trying to get the other to change is how I received my codependence training.
L
My story is different when it comes to my parents. My mother never tried to change my father, she just gave up and let him be as he spiraled into alcoholism and abuse. But, she was so non-existent in our lives in the process, for whatever reason and was never there for the kids. When I got married I swore I wouldn't let my husband spiral and that I'd be there for him and do whatever I could (enabling) to make sure I kept our marriage together. I saw my parents as apathetic towards each other, towards the children, but not towards themselves. They were both selfish people and I didn't want to be that way so I gave and gave and gave until I realized that wasn't the answer either. I guess my codependence came about in an effort to put band aids on things that requires surgery and stitches thinking that I was holding it all together all by self and all the martyr and victim for it. I know differently now and that's where Al Anon has helped me see my part. I am so grateful for the lessons I've had in the past 2 years because without them I wouldn't have a relationship with my HP, I wouldn't have the support and friends that I do now, and I wouldn't have the opportunity to help my son prepare for adulthood with better tools to cope. I may have started late, but I figure it's better late than never.